Saying " I Love You " 25 and 50 years later...

My parents have been married 25 years, going on 26... They just came back from a vacation together and it made me smile to hear about their adventures, having fun without family stress and sharing moments together.
Everyone grows up in different family situations and that's well... life, but I must admit I am VERY lucky.
Many of my family members have been married for what seems like forever!! (Round of Applause)
It's actually quite inspiring.



I'm hoping one day I'm lucky enough to spend my life with someone for just as many years.
Trust me, I know it is NOT easy, not in the least. It takes commitment, love and mutual understanding.
But getting through it, discovering what life has to offer and having your soul-mate by your side must be the best feeling in the world at the end of the day.
Yes, I realize, times are different. There are more options, people refuse to settle and marriage isn't always the best option for some. Although this is true, (I strongly believe) there is someone for everyone. I also believe that there are situations where divorce is the best option for the sake of children being in an unhealthy environment or where a relationship is abusive in any way.

That being said, my maternal grandparents are going on 50 years and all I could feel is a sense of awe when I see them together, happy in their retirement years living it up. They really believe in the sacred vows that read, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part" I witnessed this with my paternal grandmother almost 2 years ago with an upcoming 50th anniversary before the loss of my grandfather. It devastated my grandmother but I know she has no regrets in regards to her life PARTNER.

So this is to them and all the couples sticking together when nowadays its all too common to divorce or find a simpler solution.
I still believe in the sanctity of marriage.
Maybe I have an old-school mentality but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Thank you Mommy & Daddy, Vovós e Vovôs, Aunts & Uncles.
I LOVE YOU beyond words.

The Best Kind of People...

The best kind of people.
All my life, I've known the best kind of people.
The kind that no matter what, they didn't change or forget where they came from.
People that give and give wanting NOTHING in return.
They've worked their ENTIRE life, growing up in times when toys were merely rocks and shoes were so worn out they could probably do their own comedy routine.
Trekking to work involved a climb to another town, long hours and supporting their family members at an age when all we did was watch TV and play video games.
So is our generation spoiled?
I think, most are. And this includes myself.
BUT, the lucky ones have these people in their lives to remind them where and how things started.
Their stories may at times be annoying and repetitive but TRUST ME you'll appreciate it one day if you don't already.
I love my grandparents...
& I couldn't be happier that I've had the honor to be graced by their presence and other influential individuals like them.




<3
Dedicated to Avo Joaquim, Avo Idalina, Avo Manuela & RIP Avo Antero. XoXoX

What Smart Women Know (PART 1)

A Smart Woman never, ever, forgets that she is a whole person in her own right, with or without a man in her life.


SMART WOMEN KNOW:

-Experience is what you get... when you don't get what you want.
-It's ALWAYS a mistake to be so turned on by a man's style that you ignore his substance.
-It will take more than a few moments of magic to transform a ladies' man into your man.
-Dramatic, agonizing, tortured, convoluted, irreconcilable, horrific and obsessive are words that belong on the jacket of a novel that you carry to the beach; a smart woman doesn't want to have these objectives used to describe her own life.
-An obsession can, and WILL, waste years of a woman's life.
-If a 'married' man is genuinely interested, he'll be just as interested after he leaves his girlfriend/wife... which is the only time you should ever consider dating him.
-It's an old saying, but it's true: If a man is able to deceive his wife, chances are he'll be able to deceive you too.
-A sense of self means knowing what you have to offer and not offering it too quickly.
-LOW SELF-ESTEEM can often lead even the most extraordinary women into destructive relationships.
-If your always involved with Mr. Wrong, you may never get the opportunity to meet Mr. Right.
-Mr. Right isn't always Mr. Obvious.
-Any man who falls in love quickly can fall out of love just as quickly.
-No matter how wonderful you are, there are some men out there who can make you, and any other woman, crazy -- these are not men you should worry about losing.
-Any man who doesn't know "what he wants" doesn't deserve what he has.
-If a man is wildly romantic in the beginning of the relationship, chances are he is wildly unrealistic and totally undependable.
-Continue to love someone who is hurting you and, eventually you will no longer love yourself.
-There is a limit to how much pain and confusion any man is worth. (If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you.)
-If the wrong man keeps finding you, then you are giving off the wrong signals.
-A man's fatal flaws should be a turn-off, not a turn-on.
-The man you can never reach often has something to hide... like a girlfriend -- or a wife.


SMART WOMEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN:

-Love and Obsession
-Having a great passion and living a good life
-Intimacy and Seduction
-Playing hard to get, and being hard to get.


A SMART WOMAN KNOWS SHE'S NOT BEING SMART WHEN:

-She thinks that having a bad relationship is better than being alone.
-She needs a man to validate her sense of worthiness.
-She can't find joy in beaches, music, sunsets, movies, shopping, cooking -- anything -- unless there is a man to share it.
-She forgets that having a relationship can create as many problems as it solves.


A SMART WOMAN HAS THE GOOD SENSE TO APPRECIATE A MAN WHO:

*Is grounded in reality, not fantasy.
-Allows a relationship to grow slowly.
-Doesn't make promises until he knows he will keep them.
-Knows what love is, knows what long-term commitment is, and doesn't take either of them lightly.
-Isn't always checking up on you.
-Pays his bills on time.
-Wants to meet your whole family, not just your good-looking sister.
-Feels good about himself.
-Feels good about where he is in life.
-Shows up when he says he'll show up.
-Is steady and reliable.
-Has a real place to live.
-Doesn't make you feel as though if you don't grab him that second, he will be gone.


HOW TO TELL THE GOOD GUYS FROM THE BAD GUYS:

-A "Good Guy" has a realistic lifestyle.
A real home, real work, real bills, real pets, real family & a real way of dealing with all of them.
-A "Good Guy" has realistic goals.
He want to maximize his potential and be the best he can be.
-A "Good Guy" is attracted to a woman who reflects his values and interests.
He doesn't spend his life trying to prove that oil and water can mix.
-A "Good Guy" wants an equal partner he can share things with.
He doesn't want a relationship where one partner is overly dependent or completely dominating.
-A "Good Guy" doesn't try to manipulate or use a woman.
This man is not going to sweep you off your feet so he can steal your shoes.
-A "Good Guy" is supportive without being controlling.
He wants his partner to feel happy and fulfilled and wants to help her achieve her goals.
-A "Good Guy" knows how to listen to a woman speak.
This man is not an egomaniac.
-A "Good Guy" is fair and knows how to share responsibilities.
This man knows how to do laundry, make the beds, and cook dinner, and he insists upon doing his share.
-A "Good Guy" is honest.
This man tries to deal with everything truthfully including his feelings, his fears, and his needs.
-A "Good Guy" doesn't have unreasonable boundaries.
He doesn't set limits as to how far he will go in the relationship or how close he will allow you to get.
-A "Good Guy" is capable of commitment.
His lifestyle reflects his ability to form permanent attachments.
-A "Good Guy" is well intentioned.
This man ALWAYS what is best for both of you.


A SMART WOMAN SHOULD NEVER BE SO BLINDED BY LUST THAT SHE FAILS TO PAY ATTENTION TO:

-his attitude towards women in general
-his attitude towards money
-his attitude towards his family
-his attitude towards his and your career
-his ability to play fair
-his ability to laugh
-his ability to not take himself too seriously
-his ability to take himself seriously enough
-his addictions (smoking, drinking, drugs etc..)
-his religious beliefs
-his values
-his politics
-his neuroses
-his potential aversions (your pets, your tastes, your religion, anchovies etc.. )
-his history with women
*ON THAT NOTE: Dating is something you do to find out whether or not you want to get involved with a man.. so take your time.


IT'S TIME TO END A RELATIONSHIP WHEN:

-He makes you feel bad more often than he makes you feel good.
-Your fear of losing him is making you disregard all your realistic needs.
-HIS BEHAVIOR IS CHIPPING AWAY AT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
-YOU TELL HIM HOW SAD OR UPSET YOU FEEL, BUT HE MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO CHANGE WHAT HE IS DOING.
-He stops trying to please you.
-YOU HAVE A BETTER TIME REMEMBERING YOUR PAST THAN YOU DO LIVING IN THE PRESENT.
-His behavior is making you realistically jealous.


* What Smart Women Know by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. (1990) *
"Smart women know ... No woman is born smart. Smart women also know ... There are two ways to get smart -- The hard way and the easy way."
(Take my word for it.)

Cheaters EXPOSED!

So today I was watching Dr. Oz and a very interesting topic came on. One that we as women constantly wonder about or try to ignore despite rumors or gut instincts. Women, its time to stop being fooled because chances are, this isn't the first time. The topic is CHEATING.
Men are letting us know they are cheating, we just have to pay attention.

Non-Verbal Cues:
-You notice changes in his body language and the way he speaks or the tone of his voice. (As per regular)

-Shrugging his shoulders cancels out what he is saying (for example if he is 'trying to defend himself' in an argument)

-He is leaning away from you as he speaks.
People in general face their belly buttons towards people they love/trust so if a man is hiding something from you or lying he will shift his body away from you in a conversation. (The body language expert on Dr. Oz called this 'Navel Intelligence', I thought that was cute, and a way to help us remember this sign.)

Verbal Cues:
These can really fool women because a lot of us are weak when it comes to hearing what our men have to say. We tend to believe them no matter how ridiculous the situation may be. Don't be clouded by his words. Use your judgement! (If you have to; remove yourself from the situation and think about it calmly before continuing.)

-Men who are lying will get angry with you if you question them. (Ex. "What do u mean who is Michelle? You dont have any friends besides you mother and sister why dont you try and get some friends and leave me alone.")

-A man will laugh when questioned about someone they are lying to you about. (Ex. Woman: "Who's this Michelle woman? Man: "What?! ... lol, baby, you know I love you.") A red light should go off here... PAY ATTENTION!

-The statement "I know you think I'm lying..." is a sign he definitely is lying.

-Subsequently, "I know this is gonna sound strange... BUT..." is even more of a tell-tale sign.

Speaking of the word BUT... The words NEVER, BUT and NO are also dangerous in confrontations about other women, cheating or lying. Saying "I'd NEVER do that to you babe." means he probably already has, or will. THIS ONE COMES FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. Trust your instinct ladies! If it's also followed by "....you know I love you." all the worse. Sorry, but its true.
-A direct No is his best option at making you believe what he is saying. No fluffing it with too many details and I love you's.

Two other common replies to beware of:
"I'd have to be stupid to do that..."
and "Why would I do that..."
(Open your eyes to variations of this or responses where it seems they believe the world would end before that situation could ever occur.)

Some statistics from the show:
-ONLY 7% of men will admit they are cheating when asked.
-77% of men who cheated have a best friend who cheated. (Sometimes you should pay attention to his male friends and not only females ones.)

-Men who spend a lot of time away from 'home' or constantly become 'busy' all of a sudden are probably cheating on you. Look for things out of the ordinary. If things seem off, they probably are. I mean if he was spending every night with you and then all of a sudden is sleeping at a friends, is out, or wants to sleep in his own bed, that isn't a good sign.

***The important thing to take from this is do not let yourself fall into a trap or a situation where your being played and get completely blindsided. If your man is getting too friendly with a woman and she starts becoming the one who calls late at night while your together and he starts hiding it, she's NOT just a friend. No matter how many times he tells you or how long you've been together. ***

If you've been fooled before, don't be fooled again.
I'm NOT saying all men cheat but I'm also NOT saying they won't.
I truly believe everyone out there has the right one for them. A person whom they can trust and will fulfill their every need. Not 24/7, 365 days a year but then again no one is perfect.

The beginning of the end.

6 years have past,
2004 hit me like tear-gas
It started behind closed doors
And ended with downpours

Homeboys knew my power
But still you crushed me like a flower
Never enough
Now I know the danger of handcuffs

I didn’t stand a chance
You wanted more than a simple romance
I don’t regret a minute
Although I wish I could erase and edit

A smile can hide a lot of pain
It can endure while u get hurt time and time again
Hoping to be his all
That was my greatest downfall

Tired of being weak
I've decided to be my own critique
No one is perfect
But I can see the negative verdict

Once in a lifetime
Now feels like I been doing some time
Two years of freedom
Ensured me of my kingdom

The king looking more like a joker
Feeling like I been playing poker
Time has played its part
No more playing with my heart.

A new decade has begun
Time to say farewell, **son.

*That Bonita Reign Just Wont Let Up. 2010*

Not Alone

Listening to these songs
Not alone with all my fears,
We're on this earth together
Yet we always holding back our tears.

In a world that seems to never end
& the days so quickly change to night.
Its hard to find the one
Who makes all the trouble worth the fight.

I been back and forth
Struggling to see what's on his mind
Yet I always came up short
Realizing Id get knocked down every time I climbed.

Like Taylor Swift waiting for my white horse
Losing the battle but winning the war,
A switch turned on I found my course
Im not alone... I've opened my own door.

Welcome to the real me
Done tryna fake a smile,
Its not always easy but I do agree
A lesson learned is a lesson worthwhile.

Listening to these songs...
R'N'B got me feeling nice.
Why let a man knock you down, Keri got it all right
Get back up and roll the dice.

I believe in Serendipity
Not living in emotional captivity.
Bonita's not alone,
Im now the queen of my own throne.

- Tracy.
<3