Self-Discovery. (A personal goal)

Because I once loved, I yearn for it everyday.
It's my downfall in a way.
I look for more, even when the person or timing isn't right.
Lose myself,
Wanting the attention,
Feeling helpless...
Emotionally, I am not me.
Physically going through the motions,
Talking, cuddling...
Wishing he'd love me.
Whoever 'he' is.
Love is beautiful.
It consumes you, heightens you, shields you from reality.
Experiencing all I have regarding love there are almost as many negatives as positives.
So as I lie here I wonder... was it really love?
This answer will only come with time.
Could only come when I'm in a loving & mutually strengthening relationship.
So what I struggle with now is being me. Alone and free.
There is no better time.

New experiences, new environments...
No more losing the ones who do come into my life because I wish there was more.
I must learn to control my emotions.
Life is a roller coaster,
And I want to enjoy its ups, get through its downs and experience the thrill.
No better time then now
Because no one should need a relationship to feel complete.
Regardless of what anyone says this is me, the real me.
Vulnerable, honest & exposed.
My values, my interests, my willingness to learn and get better than I am & most importantly knowing I am enough.
Confidence and independence is sexy but also necessary.
So that's my goal for the REST of 2011; to discover Tracy.

I'm not going to listen to any more bad reviews about myself because the real people know what I'm about, they know Tracy's potential even when I don't see it myself and it's these people whom I cherish and thank, endlessly.
-XoX