What Smart Women Know (PART 1)

A Smart Woman never, ever, forgets that she is a whole person in her own right, with or without a man in her life.


SMART WOMEN KNOW:

-Experience is what you get... when you don't get what you want.
-It's ALWAYS a mistake to be so turned on by a man's style that you ignore his substance.
-It will take more than a few moments of magic to transform a ladies' man into your man.
-Dramatic, agonizing, tortured, convoluted, irreconcilable, horrific and obsessive are words that belong on the jacket of a novel that you carry to the beach; a smart woman doesn't want to have these objectives used to describe her own life.
-An obsession can, and WILL, waste years of a woman's life.
-If a 'married' man is genuinely interested, he'll be just as interested after he leaves his girlfriend/wife... which is the only time you should ever consider dating him.
-It's an old saying, but it's true: If a man is able to deceive his wife, chances are he'll be able to deceive you too.
-A sense of self means knowing what you have to offer and not offering it too quickly.
-LOW SELF-ESTEEM can often lead even the most extraordinary women into destructive relationships.
-If your always involved with Mr. Wrong, you may never get the opportunity to meet Mr. Right.
-Mr. Right isn't always Mr. Obvious.
-Any man who falls in love quickly can fall out of love just as quickly.
-No matter how wonderful you are, there are some men out there who can make you, and any other woman, crazy -- these are not men you should worry about losing.
-Any man who doesn't know "what he wants" doesn't deserve what he has.
-If a man is wildly romantic in the beginning of the relationship, chances are he is wildly unrealistic and totally undependable.
-Continue to love someone who is hurting you and, eventually you will no longer love yourself.
-There is a limit to how much pain and confusion any man is worth. (If it hurts, it probably isn't good for you.)
-If the wrong man keeps finding you, then you are giving off the wrong signals.
-A man's fatal flaws should be a turn-off, not a turn-on.
-The man you can never reach often has something to hide... like a girlfriend -- or a wife.


SMART WOMEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN:

-Love and Obsession
-Having a great passion and living a good life
-Intimacy and Seduction
-Playing hard to get, and being hard to get.


A SMART WOMAN KNOWS SHE'S NOT BEING SMART WHEN:

-She thinks that having a bad relationship is better than being alone.
-She needs a man to validate her sense of worthiness.
-She can't find joy in beaches, music, sunsets, movies, shopping, cooking -- anything -- unless there is a man to share it.
-She forgets that having a relationship can create as many problems as it solves.


A SMART WOMAN HAS THE GOOD SENSE TO APPRECIATE A MAN WHO:

*Is grounded in reality, not fantasy.
-Allows a relationship to grow slowly.
-Doesn't make promises until he knows he will keep them.
-Knows what love is, knows what long-term commitment is, and doesn't take either of them lightly.
-Isn't always checking up on you.
-Pays his bills on time.
-Wants to meet your whole family, not just your good-looking sister.
-Feels good about himself.
-Feels good about where he is in life.
-Shows up when he says he'll show up.
-Is steady and reliable.
-Has a real place to live.
-Doesn't make you feel as though if you don't grab him that second, he will be gone.


HOW TO TELL THE GOOD GUYS FROM THE BAD GUYS:

-A "Good Guy" has a realistic lifestyle.
A real home, real work, real bills, real pets, real family & a real way of dealing with all of them.
-A "Good Guy" has realistic goals.
He want to maximize his potential and be the best he can be.
-A "Good Guy" is attracted to a woman who reflects his values and interests.
He doesn't spend his life trying to prove that oil and water can mix.
-A "Good Guy" wants an equal partner he can share things with.
He doesn't want a relationship where one partner is overly dependent or completely dominating.
-A "Good Guy" doesn't try to manipulate or use a woman.
This man is not going to sweep you off your feet so he can steal your shoes.
-A "Good Guy" is supportive without being controlling.
He wants his partner to feel happy and fulfilled and wants to help her achieve her goals.
-A "Good Guy" knows how to listen to a woman speak.
This man is not an egomaniac.
-A "Good Guy" is fair and knows how to share responsibilities.
This man knows how to do laundry, make the beds, and cook dinner, and he insists upon doing his share.
-A "Good Guy" is honest.
This man tries to deal with everything truthfully including his feelings, his fears, and his needs.
-A "Good Guy" doesn't have unreasonable boundaries.
He doesn't set limits as to how far he will go in the relationship or how close he will allow you to get.
-A "Good Guy" is capable of commitment.
His lifestyle reflects his ability to form permanent attachments.
-A "Good Guy" is well intentioned.
This man ALWAYS what is best for both of you.


A SMART WOMAN SHOULD NEVER BE SO BLINDED BY LUST THAT SHE FAILS TO PAY ATTENTION TO:

-his attitude towards women in general
-his attitude towards money
-his attitude towards his family
-his attitude towards his and your career
-his ability to play fair
-his ability to laugh
-his ability to not take himself too seriously
-his ability to take himself seriously enough
-his addictions (smoking, drinking, drugs etc..)
-his religious beliefs
-his values
-his politics
-his neuroses
-his potential aversions (your pets, your tastes, your religion, anchovies etc.. )
-his history with women
*ON THAT NOTE: Dating is something you do to find out whether or not you want to get involved with a man.. so take your time.


IT'S TIME TO END A RELATIONSHIP WHEN:

-He makes you feel bad more often than he makes you feel good.
-Your fear of losing him is making you disregard all your realistic needs.
-HIS BEHAVIOR IS CHIPPING AWAY AT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
-YOU TELL HIM HOW SAD OR UPSET YOU FEEL, BUT HE MAKES NO ATTEMPT TO CHANGE WHAT HE IS DOING.
-He stops trying to please you.
-YOU HAVE A BETTER TIME REMEMBERING YOUR PAST THAN YOU DO LIVING IN THE PRESENT.
-His behavior is making you realistically jealous.


* What Smart Women Know by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. (1990) *
"Smart women know ... No woman is born smart. Smart women also know ... There are two ways to get smart -- The hard way and the easy way."
(Take my word for it.)